It’s pretty easy to forget that, when it comes to women, men are simple creatures. Most fellas are looking for a girl who’s warm, approachable and subtly sexy. There’s a new crop of beauty trends that may seem super-chic in the pages of Vogue, but to boys they’re completely confusing.

1. Greige Nails
Gray/beige nails may be the color du jour, but guys think they make you look like a zombie. “My GF painted her nails that color,” grumbled my neighbor Connor. “Now her hands look dirty and kind of sickly. Gross.”

2. Pastel Highlights
I love Christmas, but I don’t plan on wearing tinsel and a star on my head anytime soon. So even if you’re obsessed with Easter, steer clear of the pastel highlights trend a la Lauren Conrad’s new light-blue streaks. Your hairstyle shouldn’t remind a man of a painted egg.

3. Under-eye Shadow
Mary-Kate Olsen is a fan of this messy-on-purpose, lower-lash smoky eye, but are boys? Not so much. I learned the hard way when my boyfriend made a “walk of shame” joke, and when my uncle asked if someone had given me a black eye.

4. Matte Nude Lips
Guys hate this deathly color on your mouth even more than they hate it on your nails. “It was like she was trying to erase her lips,” recalled my cousin James about a recent date who tried the trend. “By the end of the night, her mouth looked all dry and colorless and crusty.”

5. Slicked-back Hair
“If Kim Kardashian can do it, why can’t I?” Unfortunately, this logic doesn’t work when it comes to a myriad of Kim K-related looks, from heels on the beach to super-slick hairstyles on the red carpet. Men want to be able to touch your hair -- not slide right off it.

Photo: Getty Images